Its 6am, I havent slept since before this time yesterday, and there is an old lady with Alzheimer’s across the hall who sounds quite literally like a dying cat screaming.
Yet, I’m incredibly happy. I think this is, in fact, the job for me. Doing this, I don’t think I’ll ever be one of those people who looks back and imagines what could have been. Medicine is, through all its faults, a fundamentally good thing, and one I’m happy to be at least a menial part of for the moment.
The idiocy of the human race will never cease to amaze me.
49 year old man comes in complaining of 6 months of abdominal pain. When the images show he has both acute and chronic pancreatitis, he admits to being an alcoholic and a smoker. He lays there lazily while we examine him; he reeks of cigarette smoke. After we’re done, he excuses himself from his room to go outside and have a smoke. When we ask (through a translator, he is from an Asian country) if he would like counseling about alcohol and nicotine cessation, both his wife and niece laugh at us.
Great. This is where your Medicare dollars go, taxpayer. To fixing this guy so he can go out and destroy himself again.
We catch him inside his hospital room the next evening having a cigarette.
I think this is the first time I can say that I hate a patient.
Neurofibromatosis clinic. In one day, I saw more patients with this relatively rare disease than I probably will in the entirety of the rest of my life. Its not an overtly fun disease, and it was a little sad to meet some kids who had it. However, the last patient of the day was an 11 year old girl who was an absolute terror. However, she for some reason took a shine to me. When the doc and Khaled had to go look at films, she grabbed me by the leg and begged me to stay in the room. Naturally, I obliged. After about 3 minutes of awkwardly standing there with her and her mom, she turns, looks up at me with her big eyes….and says…\
“Hey doctor…..whats a pimp?”
Both her mom and I pretty much lost it laughing. Apparently some boy at school had used that word and she didn’t know what it meant. It was a really surreal experience. When the doc returned….she proceeded to ask him. His reply: “Thats a word for a not very nice man.”
Well played, doc. Well played.
Pedi neuro leaves me with one overwhelming emotion: fear. I’m afraid to have children. For every normal, healthy kid out there, it seems there is a two year old who has already undergone 4 surgeries, is invalid, and will never utter an intelligible word. Its a scary thing.
On the other side of it is the parents. I simply don’t know if I have the strength that I’ve seen in these people. I hope that I do. They have sacrificed basically their entire lives (temporally and monetarily) for a child who will never say “I love you,” run, ride a bike, or show most of the things we associate with human life. It is a testament to the love between a parent and child, but a frightening one nonetheless.
